


I Love You So Much It Hurts

by ChaNssi



Category: VIXX
Genre: Age Difference, Cha Hakyeon is insecure, Fluff and Angst, Han Sanghyuk is a little devilish angel, He's also a bit of a labrador, M/M, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, kinda sweet towards the ending, obviously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 02:33:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13824633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaNssi/pseuds/ChaNssi
Summary: He found his boyfriend, half naked, nursing a spot on his arm that Hakyeon had undoubtedly hurt while flailing around. He almost pulled him back into his embrace when something clicked. He turned to check the time on the clock. Early. Way too early. He narrowed his eyes.





	I Love You So Much It Hurts

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know. Maybe it can be counted as a part of Brighter than a thousand suns? Or not. I mean, the characters are all the same but it wasn't exactly written to be a part of it? But it kinda works?
> 
> hahaha i'm only raising more questions here. 
> 
> Oh well, enjoy!

Hakyeon woke up, groggy and wondering what the hell woke him up before his alarm went off. He gradually became aware of sloppy wet kisses being pressed into his neck and he opened his eyes in surprise. His instincts hadn’t yet kicked in but something didn’t feel right. He tried to kick the body pressing over his back, but he hadn’t had his coffee of the day yet and he really couldn’t blame his body for not being receptive enough to his brain signals. But his flailing around must have done some damage, because he soon heard a yelp and he smiled to himself before turning around.

He found his boyfriend, half naked, nursing a spot on his arm that Hakyeon had undoubtedly hurt. He almost pulled him back into his embrace when something clicked. He turned to check the time on the clock. Early. Way too early. He narrowed his eyes.

“Sanghyuk?” He knew his boyfriend way too well. He tried to not make his voice drip with suspicion.

Hyuk looked down at him and cocked an eyebrow, as if asking _What?_

“It’s 5 am,”

“No shit Sherlock,” Sanghyuk sniggered.

Hakyeon’s eyes narrowed further, “What are you doing up at this time?”

Sanghyuk looked wounded. “You don’t think I can wake up early?” he fake-gasped as if debauched.

“Not on a Sunday,” Hakyeon fixed him a glare, unimpressed.

“Maybe I just wanted to have some fun,” Sanghyuk shimmied down to Hakyeon’s hips and placed his large hands on either side of them before pulling the other closer. He nipped slightly at his collar bone and made his way slowly down.

“Sanghyuk, what do you – ,” Hakyeon gasped as he felt Sanghyuk’s mouth at his nipple through his night shirt and he squirmed. He was still suspicious of Hyuk’s teasing and wanted to know what the hell was up.

Sanghyuk pulled himself up to the level of Hakyeon’s lips and eagerly took his lips between his teeth. He kissed him full, on the lips, no inhibition whatsoever. Hakyeon, although reluctant, still gave in to it. He could never say no his antics, no matter how much he hated morning breath. He was at least happy Sanghyuk had the presence of mind to brush his teeth before initiating his assault.

Hakyeon looped his arms around his neck and tried to deepen the kiss, but Sanghyuk pulled away, only to slowly pepper his shoulder with deep red love bites.

“So I was thinking,” he muttered in between sucking on spots that made Hakyeon weak in the knees. Scratch that, they made him weak all over.

Hakyeon was still lost in the feelings of euphoria attacking his sleep addled brain and he only managed a _hmm?_

“Can I get a rain check today?”

It finally dawned on Hakyeon that was the reason why he was being extra nice so early in the morning. He pushed him away with all the strength he could muster, which was admittedly not too much and frowned at him.

“Can I?” Sanghyuk prompted again. He looked nervous.

It wasn’t entirely surprising. He had, after all, known since the moment he woke up that Sanghyuk wanted something from him. Sanghyuk was never one to initiate any type of physical contact, almost always shying away from it all, unless he had something to ask of Hakyeon, something that he knew he wouldn’t be able to get easily. He knew that, but his stomach still felt hollow.

It had become a ritual of sorts to spend every weekend at Hakyeon’s place because come Monday, they would both get extremely busy and at times wouldn’t even have the time to drop in a good morning or a good night text message. They had been doing this for as long as either of them could remember, and they usually didn’t miss out on it unless something big came up.

Ignoring the disappointment, he smiled at Sanghyuk encouragingly and took his hands in his own. He rubbed small patterns of insignificance onto his palms, in an attempt to calm him down.

“Sure, but what is it that you want to do otherwise?”

“A group of friends from college are having a kind of reunion, and they wanted me to go. I kinda maybe missed two of those already, and I can’t miss anymore. They’re really pissed,” Sanghyuk muttered, not meeting Hakyeon’s eyes.

“Silly boy, did you think I would get mad?” Hakyeon asked, with a pang in his chest. Did Sanghyuk really think he would keep him from visiting his friends?

“I mean, it’s our time, you know? And I don’t want to miss out on any of it because we don’t get time for ourselves all through the week,” he answered sincerely, ”Plus, you would wither away without me, old man,” he added cheekily.

Hakyeon hit his arm playfully. “Who are you calling old man, you child?” he shrieked.

“Child? Please. I’m so much bigger than you are. Also, if I’m a child, wouldn’t that make you a paedophile?” Sanghyuk scoffed.

Hakyeon gasped, immediately crossing his heart with his hand. “How dare you,”

Sanghyuk laughed at the fake hurt flitting across Hakyeon’s features and leaned in to press a kiss to his lips.

“Thank you,” he muttered.

.

.

The next time Hakyeon came around, it was to his alarm clock blaring out the annoying tune. Pushing the blankets off of himself, he ambled towards the wall socket where he usually left his mobile phone plugged in for the night and switched it off, silence taking over the room. He stood there for a while, blankly staring at the wall as his mind wandered away. He vaguely wondered if he should just go back to sleep. Sanghyuk wasn’t going to be there all day, and there was nothing much he could do otherwise. He figured he could at least catch up on some sleep. It was, after all, only 8 am.

 He walked back to slide into the sheets, planning on sleeping in till late afternoon, when he found a little sticky note pasted to the table beside his bed. He picked it up and smiled to himself before reading. Sanghyuk’s antics were extremely cute.

_Stop!_

_Don’t go back to bed. Do something, old man. No sleeping it away._

_Do something you wouldn’t be able to do if I was there!_

Hakyeon grumbled at the note. He stuck his tongue out at it before carefully pulling out the drawer and placing it inside. He ignored what was said to him and just fell back asleep.

By the time he was properly up, his body was sore due to a little too much sleep, more than his body was accustomed to. He checked the time. It was just a bit past eleven. He sighed when he realised he still had a whole day of nothingness to look forward to. Yay, he muttered to himself, sarcastically.

Freshening up, he walked to the kitchen, sighing again when he realised his body was beginning to crave the caffeine. He stopped in the middle of switching on the coffee maker when he found another little sticky note pasted to it.

_Good afternoon, sunshine!_

_I knew you wouldn’t listen to me anyway._

_I made coffee already. Just reheat it!_

_Again. DO SOMETHING._

Hakyeon laughed at the note and did as was told. He reheated the coffee before grabbing his favourite mug and filling it to the brim. As he sat at the counter, scrolling through his Social Media feed, his stomach grumbled loudly, demanding attention. He wondered if he should cook, but figuring as he might end up giving himself food poisoning and he wasn’t sure he wanted to risk it. Plus, there was nothing to make edible food with. Only the kimchi his mother had given him the last time he visited.

“Oh!” he exclaimed when he realised he could go home to visit his parents.

He quickly placed a call to confirm his parents were home.

“Hello?” his mother sounded exhausted on the other line. He didn’t like it one bit.

“Mother? What happened? Why do you sound like that? Is something wrong?” he spit it all out in one breath.

“Hakyeon! Child, how are you?” his mother’s voice immediately became cheery, hearing her son’s voice.

“I’m fine, but you still haven’t told me why you sound so breathless!” he worried she wasn’t telling him something.

He heard his mother laugh on the other side of the line. “No, it’s just your nephews and nieces who have been making me run around the house. Of course I would sound exhausted. I’m not young anymore,”

It was only then that he heard squeals of laughter from his mother’s side and he felt his heart swell. He missed his family, but work kept him busy and away.

“Did they come to visit?” he asked.

“No, your father and I have gone to visit them. We missed these little devils. It’s so quiet at home all the time, what with even our youngest son being so busy,” she mused.

Hakyeon felt a pang of guilt hit his chest. He felt like the least filial son ever to exist. His parents were getting older. He should visit them more often.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered with a small voice.

“Hakyeon! Don’t blame yourself. We know you are busy. What more happiness for us other than the fact that all our kids are grown up and doing well in life? I know what you’re thinking. You’re a very good son,”

Hakyeon laughed awkwardly. “How come everyone can tell exactly what I’m thinking? Am I that easy to read?”

“Child, you wear your emotions on your sleeve,” she laughed. “Now tell me, what reminded you of me today?”

“What, can I not call you simply?” he pouted even though his mother wouldn’t be able to see it.

“Son, this is your mother here. You really think I’d believe that nonsense?” He could feel the glare she sent his way.

“Okay, Okay. I didn’t have anything to do today so I was thinking of visiting. But if you’re at sister’s place, it’s too far. I won’t be able to get back on time,” He really did want to visit.

“Oh, baby. I’m so sorry. Had you called yesterday, we would’ve stayed back at home,” his mother said to him, apologetic.

“It’s alright! I’ll visit another time,” he replied with fake cheer. He didn’t want to upset his mother after all. He hung up soon after.

But it was only noon. And his stomach grumbled again.

Looking through his contacts, he figured he could contact one of his friends and see if they were free. Maybe someone would accompany him? Seated at the table, he ticked it off on his fingers. Hongbinnie was busy with cleaning, Wonshik was in the studio, Jaehwan was out with someone else and Taekwoon was not interested.

“You know what! I’ll bake!” he said to no one in particular. Making a list immediately, he ran to the grocery store nearby. He may have bought a bit too much, but he could always make extras. It would definitely not go for a waste, that, he was completely sure of.

When the cookies were all baking in the oven and the pleasant sweet smell began to penetrate through the house, he figured he could as well get some cleaning done. He began to dust the showcase in the living room and stopped when his eyes fell on a particular framed photograph. He picked it up from it’s place on the shelf and smiled at it fondly.

It was a picture of himself and Sanghyuk, neither of them looking into the camera, but instead their eyes searched each other’s. Hongbin had taken that picture. They weren’t particularly smiling either, but it was just perfect. It had been taken almost a year ago, the last time the entire group of them had been on an outing.

He remembered how playful Sanghyuk had been on that day, and he felt a vice like grip take a hold of his chest, squeezing it tightly. It happened quite a bit for that ugly feeling to have become quite a familiar visitor. He always felt he was holding Sanghyuk back. Sanghyuk was, after all, so young. He still had such a bright life ahead of him. He could do anything and everything he wanted. He still had so much to experience. And it pained Hakyeon to think that he was tying him down.

He didn’t want that for him. He needed Sanghyuk to be happy. As he remembered the morning’s conversation where he was asked permission, the pain in his chest worsened. The smile on his face twisted and he felt tears prick his eyes. He wouldn’t let himself shed those tears though. Not for the first time over the course of their relationship, he considered letting Sanghyuk go. Those poisonous thoughts only seemed to enter his mind when he was left alone for long periods of time.

He vaguely heard the timer go off. He placed the photograph back on the mantle to check on his cookies. They were done, beautifully crusty on the top and amazingly gooey on the inside. Perfect. But he was in no mood to indulge in the buttery goodness and he simply placed them in another container to let them cool off.

Afterwards, he went back to his bedroom and searched for some sort of a comfort. He needed to feel better and apparently cleaning the house, getting the laundry done, baking, none of those menial tasks helped. He curled up on the bed, hugging the pillow Sanghyuk had used the night before, and let the scent engulf him, but it wasn’t enough. He opened his cupboard and found the perfect thing. Shrugging out of his own shirt, he pulled the light pink hoodie Sanghyuk had left behind some time ago and settled into it. It made him feel infinitesimally tiny but it also made him feel much better.

Hakyeon then picked up the book he had been trying to get through for the past few weeks and opened it to the page he had bookmarked. Reading glasses perched on top of his nose, he settled down on to his bed and began to read. Reading almost always helped. It usually pulled him into the world of wonders that each author painstakingly created. But then again, reading a book about heart ache and losing the love of your life was probably not the best decision he made. As he finally finished the book, tears freely flowing down his cheeks, he realised once again, that it was sometimes the best thing to let those you love go before the relationship turned toxic.

Hakyeon hadn’t even known he had fallen asleep when he awoke to the sound of his phone ringing. It could have been the emotional exhaustion and the mental torture he put himself through, he figured. The sunlight had long since gone down and the room was almost dark, only the light from the street lights outside flitting in. Sanghyuk’s name flashed on the screen. He frowned at that. Wasn’t he supposed to be out with friends? He checked the time. Nine p.m. His eyes widened. He had no idea when he fell asleep, but that felt like a long nap. Before the phone got cut, he picked it up.

Before he could mutter a hello, “Hyuuuunngg!” Sanghyuk’s voice whined cutely into the receiver and he smiled at it.

“Are you drunk, Han Sanghyuk?” Hakyeon asked. It sure sounded like it, what with the phone-aegyo and all that jazz.

“No?” the voice came from the other side.

“Are you asking me or telling me, Hyukkie?” he laughed. See? Sanghyuk was extremely adorable. He just didn’t see it himself.

“I don’t know,” he said to him and suddenly, there was a crash of some sort and Hakyeon heard Sanghyuk cry out loud. It sounded like he was in pain, and Hakyeon’s heart rate picked up.

“Hyukkie? Are you alright? What was that?” he asked, trying not to panic, but when the phone call got cut, his hammering heart stopped beating altogether. Oh God, he sure hoped nothing happened. He didn’t even know where the hell Sanghyuk was to at least go collect him. He hoped his friends would get him to safety.

He began to pace the room when his phone suddenly dinged. A text message.

_Starlight Bar. Please come asap. Hyuk’s friend here._

That was all.

Hakyeon didn’t even bother combing his hair before shoving his feet into his shoes and driving as fast as the speed limit allowed him to. He didn’t know where the hell this Starlight bar was and he had to stop and ask for directions in a few different spots before he finally made it to his destination. Roughly parking the car in the lot, he broke out into a run as soon as he stepped out.

He vaguely wondered how his heart was pumping blood to his limbs and brain as he entered the club and immediately began to look for the tallest and broadest person that could possibly be present in that place. Nothing really registered in his mind, all of it using every bit of ATP to look for Sanghyuk. He didn’t notice the woman approach him and was shocked out of his skin when a hand tapped at his shoulder.

“Yes?” he questioned, craning his neck over her to see if he might have missed him somehow.

“May I help you, sir?” the woman asked, in a clipped manner.

He sighed when he really couldn’t make out Sanghyuk or a group of males in their early twenties.

“Yes, please. I’m looking for a boy, no wait, a man. He’s extremely tall, and broad. Looks like a cute little Labrador. Wait, Labradors are cute but not little. Oh yes, it fits perfectly, a Labrador. He looks like one. Uhh I don’t know what he’s wearing, but he might have come in with a group of guys?” He knew he was rambling, but his brain had decided to forsake him. He just hoped the woman understood him.

“Ah, yes. The group of five guys?”

“I guess?” he didn’t know how many friends he had come out with.

Her gaze darkened at that. _That doesn’t look very promising_ , Hakyeon gulped to himself. She muttered something to herself before she began to lead the way.

Hakyeon rubbed the palms of his hands onto his pants to wipe away the sweat. She lead him inside to a door hidden away from the entrance and gestured for him to enter. Not knowing what condition Sanghyuk would be in, he mentally braced himself before turning the knob and stepping inside.

It was dark. Extremely so. He wondered if the woman got him to the wrong place. Maybe she didn’t understand who he was describing? He did kinda call Sanghyuk a Labrador. He was just about to call out to her when the room suddenly flooded with light and he immediately shielded his eyes with his hands.

He gasped when a pair of arms engulfed him into a hug. The assault on his senses was just way too much, but he would recognise those arms, that strength and most importantly that unique scent almost everywhere. The scent? There was something fishy.

He pulled back when he registered that all he could smell was Hyuk’s natural one mixed with his perfume. But where was the alcohol? He had most definitely sounded drunk on the phone just a while ago. He found Hyuk looking at him, a stupid grin pasted on his face. He frowned.

Hakyeon peeked from underneath one arm, only to find his entire posse of friends smiling at him from behind a table. He was at a loss for words.

“Happy Birthday,” Sanghyuk hadn’t let go of Hakyeon. He wrapped his arms around Hakyeon’s waist and pulled him in for a kiss. It was equal times slow and equal times chaste. But it was blissfully all Sanghyuk. Still confused, Hakyeon gave in to the kiss and ran his hands through the other’s soft hair. The world around them lay forgotten as they got lost in each other, only to be pulled back to reality when Hongbin and Wonshik started to cough sarcastically.

“Happy Birthday, hyung,” he whispered against Hakyeon’s lips before pulling back but not letting go.

“Is it really my birthday today?” Hakyeon asked, embarrassed about not having remembered his own birthday.

“Hyung! You always forget it. That’s why Hyukkie planned for all this. Isn’t he the sweetest?” Jaehwan chirped from where he was seated on the couch, sucking on a lollipop. His voice was extremely loud, but that was a given if one counted the number of candy wrappers that littered the floor beside him.

“I don’t understand. You said you had to go out with some friends. And you sounded so drunk on the phone and are you hurt somewhere?” Hakyeon fretted around, trying to look for any sort of an injury on his precious Hyukkie. Maybe a little late. That should’ve been the first thing he did, but the kiss had melted his cognitive skills.

“Hyung, no. Stop, you’re tickling me,” Sanghyuk cried.

“It was all a lie,” Taekwoon supplied.

“But what are you guys doing here. Weren’t you all so busy just some time ago?” Hakyeon frowned, his hands on his hips.

“Hyung, listen to me,” Sanghyuk turned Hakyeon around to face him “What I told you in the morning was a lie. I wanted to surprise you because I wanted you to know just how much I appreciate you and love you. I know I may not always say it, and I also know what goes on in your mind, but I am here with you. You know very well I wouldn’t do something I didn’t want to do. So stop doubting yourself. You’re perfect the way you are and although I call you old man, it’s only because I get embarrassed sometimes. I just, I love you” he told him, red in the face.

Hakyeon felt his heart swell at that.

“Hyung, don’t cry!” Sanghyuk looked distraught as he wiped away the tears.

“Hyukkie, I love you so much,” Hakyeon managed to say in between his bouts of hysteria. He held on to Sanghyuk with all his strength.

“I know that,”

“No you don’t understand. I love you so much it hurts. I can’t imagine living without you, but at the same time I am always scared. I can’t lose you,”

“Hyung, it’s not as bad as my thoughts sometimes, trust me,” Sanghyuk laughed awkwardly, scratching his neck. He really had the saddest of thoughts at times. He may not show it, but he was just as frightened, if not more, of losing Hakyeon.

“Dumb and dumber, made for each other,” Hongbin muttered loud enough for them both to hear it.

They turned simultaneously to fix him a glare at which he laughed his ass off.

“See? I was right after all. Also, hyung, are you wearing Hyukkie’s hoodie?” Hongbin asked as he calmed down a bit, an eyebrow raised impossibly high.

Hakyeon only then realised that he hadn’t taken off the hoodie or the glasses before running out of the house. He blushed at that.

“Whose fault do you think that was?” he asked curtly. He jabbed his index finger at all of them. They had all had an equal part in making him harried, after all.

“Hey now! No need to project your embarrassment on Hongbin,” Wonshik tried to placate him, only for it to back fire completely.

“Now look who’s coming to who’s rescue,” Hakyeon scoffed.

“Okay if you don’t cut this cake soon, it might disappear,” Taekwoon held the knife in his hand and waved it around dangerously. He didn’t want the situation to escalate any further.

“And I’ll help with the disappearance,” supplied Jaehwan, standing next to him.

“Yea, I don’t think Jaehwan should be getting near sweets for at least the next couple of days. He’s already had way too many sweets,” Hakyeon muttered and Sanghyuk nodded in agreement.

Everyone laughed at that.

Hakyeon’s insecurities may not have been erased completely, but he sure was happy and content as he lay in bed that night in Sanghyuk’s arms.

He really did love him. A lot.


End file.
